Today, the Mizzrus sent me a text. It was an innocent text. All it said was: "I got u chocolate". She texted this to me because the night before, I mentioned that "I sure wish we had some chocolate" ,after dinner. I eat tons of chocolate. Amongst my many other "holic" tendencies, chocoholic is one.
Being the enabler loving significant other, she usually brings me chocolate.
Feeling a little "randy", I sent the following reply text:
"[Doc Holliday voice (Val Kilmer-Tombstone)] Oh my, how can I ever repay you??"
She: "You already have Baby..."
Me: "Are you sure you don't require any sexual favors for said deliciousness???" [Still in Doc mode].
The only problem with that response was that I inadvertently sent it to a male co-worker who is a lot higher up the food chain than I am. When I realized my faux pas, I first was shocked. Then I LMAO'd.
[Ricky Ricardo voice] "Lucy..., you got some 'splainin' to do....".
In a stroke of genius. I wondered if I could start "sleeping" my way to the top instead of working my ass off on a daily basis. No more lifting kegs or delivering hundreds of cases of beer to multiple accounts. In short, I was on my way to east street...[and the colored girls go...doop di doop di doop, doop di doop doop di doop di doop...]
Then I thought about it a minute.
Working + Ass + Male Co-worker = NOT somewhere I'm ready to go just yet EVER!
Though I'm a "screamer" [heterosexually speaking], I think said scenario would bring my "screaming" to new highs ["Squeal like a pig..., Boy"]. So I immediately sent another text to said co-worker, "sorry, wrong contact", while wondering what the hell he was thinking [and also lamenting my lost promotion & raise].
After I got that mess untangled, I resent the text to the Mizzruz. I hoped that I might peak her curiosity so I could have sex twice in a month instead of the usual one. But my hopes were dashed when I received the following response ...
"Just being in the same room with you is special enough, Baby!"
With my eunuch status intact, I decided my new alter ago of "texting Don Juan" was an Epic Fail.
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