FCUK… Keeping up with the “Jones’”, Having to have “things/name brands/cars/houses/ [boiled shrimp, steamed shrimp, shrimp kabobs, shrimp and grits, shrimp scampi…] ” that somehow tell the world about ‘me’.
By the power vested in me… [As purchased from, www.world_ruler.com, for three easy payments of $19.95] I NOW PROCLAIM MAY 23rd, FROM THIS DAY FOREWARD, FTRR !!! Those of you like minded individuals who wish to join my noble cause, will, from this day forward recognize this day as a day of INDEPENDENCE!!! No longer will we feel the need to buy a newer car because Bob Numbnutz who works at the job, or lives up the street has just bought a new “2012 Fortoyomazbuchryhunkia, Fully Loaded, Sport Edition, with leather seats, and super surround sound stereo that literally pierces you to the core. Oh, by the way it’s a hybrid…” .
Just because somebody we know, buys a new boat/motorcycle/camper/beach house/home theater/ATV [fried shrimp, coconut shrimp, shrimp salad, shrimp taco, shrimp burger…], we will NO LONGER FEEL LESS, OR INADEQUATE!!! WE WILL STAY THE COURSE! We will be RESOLUTE in the creed of FTRR. And the tenets of that creed are…
WE WILL NOT TRY TO KEEP UP WITH THE JONES’S [They’re Assholes anyway.]
WE WILL LIVE WITHIN OUR MEANS [See the First tenet]
WE WILL PUT NOTHING ON CREDIT THAT WE CAN’T PAY AT THE END OF THE MONTH [This includes Vacations, Appliances, Starbucks, Emergency “Back, Sack, and Crack Waxes, or Mani-pedis] We do make allowances for busted water heaters, AC’s, car, and health related emergencies. [Boob jobs, Rhinoplasty, or New Rims DO NOT COUNT AS EMERGENCIES!]
INTEREST, AND FEES, ARE EVIL.WE WON’T MAKE LATE PAYMENTS [Duh??? Also, SAVE. Always “put a little money back“. ]
WE CAN SAY NO TO OUR KIDS [Tell them to read tenets one, two, three, and four. Most of our parents told us no. We are living in tough times. It doesn’t help our children to mislead them into believing that money “grows on trees{or from plastic } We have a budget, and we will have “delayed gratification”]
HAPPINESS IS NOT DEFINED BY A DOLLAR SIGN {Zac Brown Band} and IT’S NOT HAVING WHAT YOU WANT, BUT, WANTING WHAT YOU’VE GOT {Sheryl Crow} [It’s true that money does not “buy” happiness. In studies of lottery winners, the end result was that if you were unhappy/unbalanced/had ego issues/or insecurities/ winners still had them after their windfall and in many cases had them intensified ] [In other words, “With Money, you’ll still be fucked up. You’ll just have more money…”]
YOUR JOB DOES NOT “DEFINE” YOU AS A PERSON [YOU are NOT just a Stay at home Mom, Beer truck driver, brick layer, cashier…. YOU are NOT somehow lower than someone else who has a “perceived” higher position. We ALL know that WE are smarter, and have more common sense than most of our “bosses”. Hell! Most of our bosses couldn’t do the job they supervise. {But that is a whole thesis in itself, and we will explore that another time}
MAKE AS MUCH TIME FOR YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS AS YOU CAN [ They are probably the only “REAL” things in your life]
NO MATTER HOW BAD YOU THINK YOU’VE GOT IT. SOMEBODY HAS GOT IT WORSE. [“Bad things happen to good people” If you don’t believe me, tell me your problem, and I’ll show you somebody who makes your problem look like “an ANT TURD”]
So those are the basic tenets of the FTRR movement. This day, May 23rd shall forever be looked upon as a day of remembrance. A day when all of us reflect on the tenets and how well we are following them. I honestly believe that “living” the above [and lots of cheap vodka] will make all of our lives more fulfilling and meaningful. [If any of you can think of another main tenet, that will make 10. Then we can have…. COMMANDMENTS!!! If not, I’ll settle for any other input… Reply at bottom or @rjwill3 on twitter
Credits
FCUK = Aunt Becky
All “shrimp references” = The Movie Forrest Gump [If you have some extra time, and want to have your mind “blown”, Read the novel Forrest Gump. The “real” one, not the movie version.]
