Miso Horny

     I know I said in my last post that the title of this post was going to be "Kitchen Staples II, Revenge of the Red Curry" but "Miso Horny" has a tad more "kick" to it. On top of that, I rather like the double entendre and potentially scandalous nature of said new title. That being said, let's begin....

     If you have ever eaten at a Japanese Steak House, chances are, you have already had Miso. The house dressing that always comes on the little salad before your meal contains Miso, ginger, carrot, oil, vinegar, and a bit of salt. The soup course is usually Miso. [You know the soup I'm talking about, the one with like two pieces of mushrooms and maybe a scallion or two.. ]

      Miso is a soybean paste that originated in China around 700 B.C.. Popular throughout Asia, it is most identified with Japanese cooking. Miso comes in a variety of colors, from light to dark. A lady by the name of Eve Turow, did an excellent job of introducing me to Miso with an article titled "Miso: An Ancient Solution For Modern Meals" LINK HERE on the NPR. After reading that article, I went into all out geek cook mode. I knew I HAD TO HAVE MISO!!! I put the Mizzrus on alert, and informed her that a quest was at hand. Due to the fact that Eastern North Carolina is not exactly a "hot bed" of Oriental Markets, [Hispanic yes, Oriental NO] I knew my quest would take me west to our State Capitol. [Technically the Grand Asia Market might be considered in Cary, not sure, don't care, you get the picture.] Being a newbie to Oriental Markets, I was unprepared for sheer awesomeness of the Grand Asia Market. Upon crossing the threshold of the entrance, the Mizzrus and I were instantaneously thrust through the time space continuum, and landed in China. It was as if all of our senses were assaulted at once. The sight of roasted ducks in a window, the exotic smells of food being prepared, the sounds of announcements being made over the intercom in Chinese, thousands of ingredients I have never seen. It was amazing, and I was in cooking geek heaven. Now, how to find Miso. Being the adventurous type, I immediately start walking down the aisles, Mizzrus in tow, looking for Miso. I was really "geeking out" looking at all of these exotic ingredients. I was in a Happy Geek Cooking Place. I will give the Mizzrus credit, she indulged my geekness for a good twenty minutes, before she smacked me out of my bliss. She had had enough and was ready to go. Luckily, she found a person who told us right where to go, which was a good thing, because I think she was ready to drown me in the eel tank. Then the dilemma is, what kind to get??? I settled on a White Miso, [which is really kinda tan, almost like a light brown rue] [Shinshu Shiromiso] and a red Miso, [kinda rust colored] [ShinshuAkamiso]. I could hardly wait to get my new "finds" home to play with.[ I think the Mizzrus likes it when I start "geeking out" over a new ingredient as it gives her time to catch up on re-runs of One Tree Hill and Beverly Hills 90210 etc...]

      So now back at home, my first thing is to taste Miso right out of the package. It's kinda salty but with a definite "oriental" flavor. I like it. From all that I've read, you can kinda think about Miso, like the traditional way we look at wines. Red Miso for red meat, and White Miso for fish, dressings and the like. Pork can go either way, but from most recipes I've seen, Red is probably the way to go . [Your mileage may vary, tax, tags, and title, are extra] My first attempt to make something with Miso is to create the dressing that they give you at the Japanese Steak House. I kinda took the things I liked from the recipe on the Miso package and the recipe from Eve Turow [see above] and made a, if I may say, a damn fine dressing. My next attempt with Miso has turned into a Family Favorite. This meal is one of the few meals that EVERYONE will eat and enjoy. From the Mizzrus to my 3 children, [ages 15, 12, and 8, girls and one boy] this one is a winner. I took Turow's recipe in the above link [with two minor modifications, O.K, three] for Grilled Miso-Glazed Flat Iron Steak. [If you have never had a Flat Iron steak before, you have missed a great cut of meat. It's not well known, but gaining in popularity. It's known as a "butchers' cut" , meaning that because it was not well known, and not easy to sell, the butcher would take that cut home to feed he and his family. Very tasty and tender.] But I digress.... First change, I use a London Broil [because they were on sale when I first was going to attempt this recipe], Second change, I half the sesame oil. No more than two tablespoons. [Don't know what your experience is with this oil is, but you can ruin a dish  in a hurry if you aren't careful. Great oil if used judiciously] Final change, I double the red Miso. Make the recipe with those changes, add the marinade and the meat in a zipper top bag, let marinate for at least two hours. [Personally I like to prepare the marinade after breakfast and let it marinate ALL day] I've cooked it both on the grill, and under the broiler in the oven, and both have produced excellent results. We like medium rare. Cook to an internal temperature of 127, and after the "rest", the internal temp. will be right at perfect medium rare. Another tip is to take the marinade that is left over and put it in a pot to reduce enough till it thickens. This makes a great sauce for dipping. Lastly, serve with Edamame, [steamed soybeans] and a starch or side of your choice. One neat thing to try [to trick your kids into eating healthier] steam a whole head of cauliflower till soft, then add, cheese, butter, salt, pepper etc.. however you would do mashed potatoes.[I have found that mixing them up with an immersion[stick]blender, or food processor makes the best consistency.] I call them faux-taters... Good eating and give me some feedback.

rj.will3@hotmail.com

Kitchen Staples I, The beginning...

What follows are many of the ingredients that I like to keep in my pantry and refrigerator. My kitchen staples, if you will. The list is wide and varied, but, if I have these items on hand, I know that I can make all kinds of other things. Keep in mind that most of these ingredients are in there because of their flexibility.  Your list will vary based on personal preference, taste, country of origin, availability, and dietary restrictions. The main idea with this post is to get you thinking about your kitchen staples and cooking in general. Personally, I believe there are some great premade sauces, marinades, and dressings out there, that I have no problem purchasing. Don't get me wrong, I almost always prefer scratch made things over store bought, but let's face it, we live busy lives and any short cut that doesn't sacrifice quality [Or has minimal effect on quality...] will do. So, here is my list of kitchen staples and why I keep them: [These are not in any particular order][Note: me and the Mizzrus don't eat much bread, pasta, or rice.]

Canned Diced Tomatoes. [Preferably low salt or sodium] I love these! They are so flexible. I've used them in soups, omelets, salads, tuna salad, and Italian red sauces. They can also be used in a variety of Mexican dishes ranging from sauces to salsas. I've even added them to frozen pizzas. The list is endless...

Canned Tuna. [In water] Personally, I love tuna. I can eat it straight out of the can. If you don't do seafood, like my Ex ["I don't want to eat anything that swims in its' own pee"] pass over this.  Canned tuna is great for sandwiches, lettuce wraps, stuffed and baked in a ripe tomato, topped with cheese. The list is endless. Bottom line: canned tuna is relatively low in calories and high in protein. [Depending what you add...]

Canned Mushrooms. [Small can, low salt preferable] These are great for sautéing to put on top of steaks or hamburgers. They are also great in omelets or scrambled eggs. They can substitute for fresh in a spinach salad, and even be added to store bought spaghetti sauce. 

Canned Black Beans. These can be added to salsas, served as a side, made into refried black beans, and added to chili.

Angel Hair pasta. Even though I said we don't eat many carbs, Angel Hair pasta is an exception, but we only have it maybe 3 times a month. This is great for "Sunday Gravy" [future post] or even a light pasta salad.

Premade Spaghetti Sauce. Once again, scratch made is always better, but, whether you like Prego, Great Value, Newman's, et al... Having a jar of premade sauce can make a satisfying dinner in a very short time.  Sure, it may need some "Doctoring" [Especially since we all know you need at least 3 days to make a great homemade sauce]

Canned Vegetables/Blends. Though fresh vegetables are best, and frozen Veggies are better than canned [less sodium] ,there is a place for canned. Whole Potatoes. These are so great to have because you can slice or dice for breakfast hash browns. You can cut into quarters and coat with olive oil, rosemary, seasoned salt, bake at 350 for 30- 45 minutes and have a great side, for just about any meal. There are certain brands [Glory Foods, Margaret Holmes], that have blends of things like red beans and rice, Hoppin' John, etc... If you get two cans of Red Beans and Rice and add a pre-cooked Kielbasa, sliced at a bias, you can have a nice, really quick meal. Sure, you could take an entire day of your weekend and make your own. But, if can do it quicker, and more simply, why not??? There's a difference between getting your family fed in a timely matter and engaging in your cooking endeavors....

Italian seasoning, and Basil. Though basil is in Italian seasoning, I like to have both. [Actually I have a problem with spices too.] Italian seasoning is good to add to store bought sauce, garlic bread, scrambled eggs, all kinds of things. Basil is good to add to all of the above [along with Italian seasoning] and frozen pizza. [Personally, I like Palermo thin crust pizza.] You can also take diced tomatoes[see above] basil, olive oil, diced tomato, balsamic vinegar and parmesean, to make a bruchetta topping.

Dijon Mustard/Mustard. Dijon is awesome for so many things. Deviled eggs, sandwiches, dressings, whatever.. I also like to have a stone ground mustard around.       

Hot Sauce. Being from the South, Texas Pete is supposed to be the "go to" sauce to "kick up" the heat in stuff, but  I , disagree. I like some of the sauces from Mexico, like Valentina, Cholula, and, Tapatio. They typically  have good heat, and a less vinegary taste than a lot of the domestic brands. I once tried to make my own sauce using the powder from some whole habeneros that I dried. Needless to say, after it melted the glass bowl I was mixing in, I decided to have the hazmat team remove the remainder. It was then that I decided that that idea might be revisited in future... [sometime after my eyebrows grow back]

To be continued in the next Post: Kitchen Staples II, Revenge of the Red Curry

Recipe-aholic. Some of my views on cooking

    In a previous post' [Cookbook-aholic. Damn you Betty Crocker] I shared my "problem" [Fetish really] with cookbooks. What I failed to disclose is that my "problem" is even worse than I originally led you to believe. For that, I must make amends. [I believe that is 1 of the 12 steps to recovery, though I suspect I am too far gone to ever change] I should have included recipes. You know the ones I mean. The little recipe cards at the grocery store, either in produce, or by the meat counter. [Bonus points if they have them both places] There are also the cards that they hand out when they are doing a sampling of some new product. The State Fair is also a great place to get recipe cards. You don't have to look very far to find a recipe. Newspapers, on boxes, in boxes, magazines.... They are everywhere, and I grab 'em, bring them home and put them on top of the microwave. Now you would think that the kitchen would be overflowing with recipe cards, but it isn't. It just occurred to me that the Mizzrus probably throws them out after a couple of days. The ironic [Sad and demented] thing about it is, I don't follow recipes. I collect all these cookbooks, and recipes, then don't follow them.[Does that seem like a problem to you???]

    Which leads me to share some of my thoughts on food with you today:

 We all have to eat to live. Food connects us to everyone else on the planet.

Historically, what we eat is based on where we live, socio-economic status [Google "High on the hog"], and  religion. [The Outback will not do very well in India]

Some of our best memories are based on something we ate, or the feelings we had with friends or family around the kitchen table.

Eating is one of the only things that we do on a daily basis that engages all of our senses. [Sex can do that too, but I don't have that on a daily basis. Your mileage may vary...]

Recipes are only a GUIDELINE. If you feel that whatever you are cooking will not be good unless you follow the recipe to the letter, then,  you my friend, are a Baker.

I believe that anyone who wants to, can be an accomplished cook.

Expect to fail. Mistakes will be made. Something will be over cooked, under cooked, over spiced, under spiced. Analyze what went wrong, remember what went right, and don't be too hard on yourself. Worst case scenario [other than a fire] you have to order take out.

Because we eat with our eyes too: Garnish your plates. I guarantee that even if you are having peas out of a can, fish sticks from the freezer, and instant mashed potatoes,  a garnish and artful arranging will make it taste better. Think fish sticks arranged like # and some dried parsley flakes on the potatoes.

    So folks, those are some of my thoughts on cooking. It is my hope that I can get you as excited about cooking as I am. In future posts I will share some of the things I'm "geeking out" on at the time. In the words of Bill Cosby on the Fat Albert show, "If you're not careful... You might just learn something...". Next post will probably be about my must have pantry items and possibly an introduction to Miso.

Questions, comments, or just to say "Hi"  rj.will3@hotmail.com

Some Randomness...

[This post was written by a Highly Motivated inebriated  me, a couple of weeks ago...]
    Is it just me, or does it seem that Mother Nature has been pretty ANGRY lately? In my 44 years, I know that I have not always paid the greatest attention, BUT, Mother Nature seems to be really PMS-ing of late. Mississippi flooding, Tornados everywhere. Funky Thunderstorms... Earthquakes, Tsunami's(???) and the icing on the cake is that NOAA has just predicted an especially vigorous HURRICANE season. Now, as I recollect, it seems we experience some major "WEATHER INCIDENT" every year on this planet. But, what I don't recall is it seeming to happen everywhere at almost the same time. Maybe those "DAMBASSES" got the whole Armeggedon/Rapture thing just a bit early. I still see the same people. I know that in my small circle of friends, I was not expecting any of THEM or ME to be rising to Heaven this past Saturday... But... What about the cashier at the Mini-Mart where I get gas and the occsasional "Scratch off"??? Or the mailman? Or the "mean ass bitch" at the DMV??? SURELY, SOMEBODY I come into contact with must have been "lifted" into HEAVEN. But, alas, NO. [I guess somebody needs to get a new calender... I'd be willing to bet that some BRAINIAC has developed an APP that we can download that will give us a countdown to "THE END"

Have I ever mentioned that most of the Worlds' Evils can be traced DIRECTLY back to a consortium of "Big Pharma, Lawyers, and the Hallmart Card Company"??? And don't get me started about the MASSIVE SOLAR FLARE [C.M.E to all you Nerds] that will come and knock out ALL electricity and "Kick" us back to the Stone Age, or at least 1920 something... [That part is real. Google "Solar Weather", "Solar Katrina", or C.M.E.. If you read what I did, you'll be a little worried too.]

[A continuation of an alcohol fueled rant...]

Why don't people use their f'ing turn signals? Ever notice that other than the normal dumbasses, the people who don't use turn signals are talking on their cell phones???

I like Gallegar's idea. Every driver has a gun with rubber sticky bullets with little flags that say "Idiot". You shoot the little flag at the offending idiot driver. The police automatically stops and tickets any car with 3 or more flags. [3 citations = DEATH PENALTY]

Why do feminist bitches get so angry when a male holds a door for them?

Why can't politicians just do what is "RIGHT" as opposed to currying favor or going with the party line?

Things NOT to say:
To the person x-ray scanning bags at the Smithsonian: "Sir, do you have a knife in your bag?" "You've got the freaking x-ray. You tell me...."[It was a little Swiss Army Knife that fits on a key chain]

To your woman: "Yes. Your BUTT looks big in those pants."

To the Traffic Cop: "Yes, I know how fast I was going. Seeing that you have radar, and you stopped me, you must know too. Is this a test? You're not going to look in the trunk are you???"

To the Highway Patrol Occifer who asks you to recite the ABC's backwards: "Dude, I can't even do that sober"

And lastly,[for now]
Why do people tell you: "You can't do that..." when you just, DID DO THAT???

My LAST Blog post???

     It seems that I'm not doing it right. Blogging, that is. I started my Blog because I felt I had something to say. Not that anybody would give a damn about what I have to say, it just feels good to get it out of my head. Put it out in the ether where, maybe, some like minded individual would find it, and agree. Perhaps, that person would disagree. Either way, it's out there. The ultimate, would be to engage either person in debate.

     Being the "nerd" that I am, I Googled "Blogging" and found a slew of sites that tell you how to: "increase traffic through social media", "100 new ideas to improve your blog", "10 reasons why your blog will fail in a year", "how to make money with your blog", "50 ways to increase the number of comments on your blog" ad infinitum... After reading all of these things that I was not doing right with my blog, I considered quitting. To be quite honest, blogging can be a pain in the ass. Especially if you follow the "rules". I like to write and share my thoughts. I have a theory that most writers are "closet exhibitionists". Kind of shy attention getters. But, to write, takes time. Like most everybody else I know, it's hard to juggle work, family, friends, bills, and general life, and still make time to write. That's why I am so infrequent with my posts, which is a big FAIL according to the experts. Right now, I feel about blogging the way I do about drinking. "I'm NOT going to drink anymore...., but I'm not going to drink any less either....". Being the "hard headed, closet exhibitionist, donkey" that I am, I'm not going to stop.

     One of the reasons I'm not going to quit is Germany. Germany you ask? Yes, Germany. According to the stat thingy that shows which country a reader is from, Germany is number 2 after the U.S. with the most hits. The U.S. as number 1 makes sense. I live here, and I've dropped not-so-subtle hints to friends and family about my blog. Due to Networked Blogs, whenever I do do [that's funny] a new post, there is an automatic announcement to Twitter and Facebook. As I have no followers on Twitter, and no Facebook friends from Germany, I am perplexed. I guess if Jerry Lewis can be unexplainably "BIG" in France, Me and "The HOFF" can be "BIG" in Germany. ["Wie ghet's" and "Danke" Germany?]

     Another reason is the movie "Julie and Julia". [A very good movie, by the way] That movie combined my love of cooking and writing. The Mizzrus, suggested doing a food blog. [With this, and most all things, she'll probably ultimately be right.] I said I didn't want to be pigeon holed to one thing. I wanted to write about whatever I am feeling at the time. [Another BIG FAIL for a successful blog]

She: "Isn't one of the goals of a blog to get as many followers as possible?"

Me: "Yeah, I guess so..."

She: "So are you going to quit if you don't get a bunch of followers?"

Me: "Probably not. I guess to paraphrase Thoreau, 'I march to the beat of a different drummer...'"

     So in closing, if anybody has got this far reading my blog, you have been seeing and learning how "not" to have a successful blog. I like to think that my writing to the reader is kind of like mining for diamonds. You have to trudge through a lot dirt and stone to get to the gems. Hopefully whatever gems you find are worth the effort.

FCUK the Rat Race.

FCUK… Keeping up with the “Jones’”, Having to have “things/name brands/cars/houses/ [boiled shrimp, steamed shrimp, shrimp kabobs, shrimp and grits, shrimp scampi…] ” that somehow tell the world about ‘me’.

By the power vested in me… [As purchased from, www.world_ruler.com, for three easy payments of $19.95] I NOW PROCLAIM MAY 23^rd, FROM THIS DAY FOREWARD, FTRR !!!  Those of you like minded individuals who wish to join my noble cause, will, from this day forward recognize this day as a day of INDEPENDENCE!!! No longer will we feel the need to buy a newer car because Bob Numbnutz who works at the job, or lives up the street has just bought a new “2012 Fortoyomazbuchryhunkia, Fully Loaded, Sport Edition, with leather seats, and super surround sound stereo that literally pierces you to the core. Oh, by the way it’s a hybrid…” .

Just because somebody we know, buys a new boat/motorcycle/camper/beach house/home theater/ATV [fried shrimp, coconut shrimp, shrimp salad, shrimp taco, shrimp burger…], we will NO LONGER FEEL LESS, OR INADEQUATE!!!  WE WILL STAY THE COURSE! We will be RESOLUTE in the creed of FTRR. And the tenets of that creed are…

WE WILL NOT TRY TO KEEP UP WITH THE JONES’S [They’re Assholes anyway.]

WE WILL LIVE WITHIN OUR MEANS [See the First tenet]

WE WILL PUT NOTHING ON CREDIT THAT WE CAN’T PAY AT THE END OF THE MONTH [This includes Vacations, Appliances, Starbucks, Emergency “Back, Sack, and Crack Waxes, or Mani-pedis] We do make allowances for busted water heaters, AC’s, car, and health related emergencies. [Boob jobs, Rhinoplasty, or  New Rims DO NOT COUNT AS EMERGENCIES!]

INTEREST, AND FEES, ARE EVIL.WE WON’T MAKE LATE PAYMENTS [Duh??? Also, SAVE. Always “put a little money back“. ]

WE CAN SAY NO TO OUR KIDS [Tell them to read tenets one, two, three, and four.  Most of our parents told us no. We are living in tough times. It doesn’t help our children to mislead them into believing that money “grows on trees{or from plastic } We have a budget, and we will have “delayed gratification”]

HAPPINESS IS NOT DEFINED BY A DOLLAR SIGN {Zac Brown Band} and IT’S NOT HAVING WHAT YOU WANT, BUT, WANTING WHAT YOU’VE GOT {Sheryl Crow} [It’s true that money does not “buy” happiness. In studies of lottery winners, the end result was that if you were unhappy/unbalanced/had ego issues/or insecurities/ winners still had them after their windfall and in many cases had them intensified ] [In other words, “With Money, you’ll still be fucked up. You’ll just have more money…”]

YOUR JOB DOES NOT “DEFINE” YOU AS A PERSON [YOU are NOT just a Stay at home Mom, Beer truck driver, brick layer, cashier…. YOU are NOT somehow lower than someone else who has a “perceived” higher position. We ALL know that WE are smarter, and have more common sense than most of our “bosses”. Hell! Most of our bosses couldn’t do the job they supervise. {But that is a whole thesis in itself, and we will explore that another time}

MAKE AS MUCH TIME FOR YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS AS YOU CAN [ They are probably the only “REAL” things in your life]

NO MATTER HOW BAD YOU THINK YOU’VE GOT IT. SOMEBODY HAS GOT IT WORSE. [“Bad things happen to good people” If you don’t believe me, tell me your problem, and I’ll show you somebody who makes your problem look like “an ANT TURD”]

So those are the basic tenets of the FTRR movement. This day, May 23^rd shall forever be looked upon as a day of remembrance. A day when all of us reflect on the tenets and how well we are following them. I honestly believe that “living” the above [and lots of cheap vodka] will make all of our lives more fulfilling and meaningful. [If any of you can think of another main tenet, that will make 10. Then we can have…. COMMANDMENTS!!! If not, I’ll settle for any other input… Reply at bottom or @rjwill3 on twitter

Credits

FCUK = Aunt Becky

All “shrimp references” = The Movie Forrest Gump [If you have some extra time, and want to have your mind “blown”, Read the novel Forrest Gump. The “real” one, not the movie version.]

Cook-Book-A-Holic. "Damn you Betty Crocker"

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My NEW alter Ego: Texting Don Juan

Today, the Mizzrus sent me a text. It was an innocent text. All it said was: "I got u chocolate". She texted this to me because the night before, I mentioned that "I sure wish we had some chocolate" ,after dinner. I eat tons of chocolate. Amongst my many other "holic" tendencies, chocoholic is one.

Being the enabler  loving significant other, she usually brings me chocolate.

 Feeling a little "randy", I sent the following reply text:

"[Doc Holliday voice (Val Kilmer-Tombstone)] Oh my, how can I ever repay you??"

She: "You already have Baby..."

Me: "Are you sure you don't require any sexual favors for said deliciousness???" [Still in Doc mode].

The only problem with that response was that I inadvertently sent it to a male co-worker who is a lot higher up the food chain than I am. When I realized my faux pas, I first was shocked. Then I LMAO'd.

[Ricky Ricardo voice] "Lucy..., you got some 'splainin' to do....".

In a stroke of genius. I wondered if I could start "sleeping" my way to the top instead of working my ass off on a daily basis. No more lifting kegs or delivering hundreds of cases of beer to multiple accounts. In short, I was on my way to east street...[and the colored girls go...doop di doop di doop, doop di doop doop di doop di doop...]

Then I thought about it  a minute.

Working + Ass + Male Co-worker = NOT somewhere I'm ready to go just yet EVER!

 Though I'm a "screamer" [heterosexually speaking], I think said scenario would bring my "screaming" to new highs ["Squeal like a pig..., Boy"]. So I immediately sent another text to said co-worker, "sorry, wrong contact", while wondering what the hell he was thinking [and also lamenting my lost promotion & raise].

After I got that mess untangled, I resent the text to the Mizzruz. I hoped that I might peak her curiosity so I could have sex twice in a month instead of the usual one. But my hopes were dashed when I received the following response ...

"Just being in the same room with you is special enough, Baby!"

With my eunuch status intact, I decided my new alter ago of "texting Don Juan" was an Epic Fail.

My third nipple???

The other day, I happened to get off earlier than the Mizzrus. [Not that way Pervs... Off from work earlier!] When she walked in, I was sitting at the computer with "Daddy Juice" at hand wondering what to write about next. I had been starting, stopping, wondering what to write...

She says: "Hey Baby. What cha doin'?"

Me: "Trying to come up with a new blog post".

She: "What ideas do you have so far?"

Me: "Well..., I've got an idea for one I'm calling, 'My Third Nipple'"...

She: "SERIOUSLY!?!?!  What the HELL made you think of THAT? YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE  A THIRD NIPPLE!"

Me: "[Sheepishly] I might could have had a third nipple"...

She: But seriously, what made you even think of that"????

Me: "I thought it sounded kinda cool. I certainly wouldn't mind if you had three boobies"...

She: "REALLY??? I mean, REALLY"???

Me: "That doesn't sound cool"???

She: "Tell me again why I said I'd marry you"???

Me: "O.K.. How about: 'And that's when I knew I'd been in the presence of: THE CHUPA CABRA'!!!"

She: "You are 'hung like a flea', and have no money. What the Hell was I thinking"???

Me: "I love you BABY"...

She: [A little less hostile] "I love you too... ASSHOLE"!!! [She always calls me that when she's feelin' all lovey dovey.]

Me: "Baby..., Would you be a 'Lamb' and fix me another 'Daddy Juice'? [O.K., What I REALLY did was loudly shake the cubes in the glass in the hopes she would get the clue that I wanted another drink...]

She: "You rang, my Lord??? [What I heard...] [What she said...] "If you think I'm going to miss one second of this re-run of Sex and the City [that she's seen at least 10 times] to fix you a Damn drink"...

Me: "3-D Porn and 'Fire n' Ice Condoms"???

Me: "My palindrome novel"???

She: "What do you want from me"???

Me: "Baby, I know that you are all 'Sex and the City mode', but I'm dyin' over here"...

She: "Why don't you write about the 'BIG CONSPIRACY' that prevents you from being inducted into the Mensa Society"???

Me: "You know that's a sensitive issue"...

She: "Seinfeld"!

Me: "Seinfield? What the hell does that have to do with a new post"?

She: "Well, he made a whole series about nothing. Don't you think your 'poser ass' [literary genius] could at least write ONE POST ABOUT NOTHING"???

Me: "Baby, I think you might be on to something... I sure do love you"...

She: "I love you too... AASSSHOLE"!!! [She really means it as a term of endearment...]

Nobody told me I was BLACK

O.K., my skin is white, and past lovers won't exactly remember me for my giant schlong [It may be short... But, it's skinny too...] but after watching VH1's "Black to the Future", I am BLACK and didn't realize it till today. Of course, I kinda suspected it for a while now, but now I'm SURE I AM A BLACK MAN. O.K., I suck at Basketball and am not really comfortable with the "N" word, but I don't think that makes me any less BLACK. It wasn't until watching "Black to the Future" 70's, 80's and 90's that I have finally understood who I am. In my defense, I am a product of my upbringing.

One of my earliest memories of going to a live event was seeing the Harlem Globetrotters. I couldn't have been more than 8 or 9, [which makes it '74 or'75] and being amazed. "Wow!!!, I saw these dudes on Scooby Doo". My Mother might have had some of the BLACK in her, [Which is ironic because from what I have heard in family lore, Pop Pop Sipple (Her Dad) could have had a white hood somewhere in his closet.]because the Albums I was weened on by her were the likes of: anything Motown, Stevie Wonder, Isaac Hayes, Earth Wind and Fire, Sister Sledge, and Donna Summer. It was also the age of Disco. So, I also got big doses of the Saturday Night Fever Album, K.C. and the Sunshine Band [who's kinda BLACK] and others. Back then we had three channels if you don't count PBS. [Which I didn't back then] What were the shows that I grew up watching?: Fat Albert [Hey, Hey, Hey], Good Times [DY-NO-MITE!!!], The Jeffersons [Weezy...], The White Shadow ['nuff said], What's Happening [Ooh Rog, you gonna GET IT!] [Don't tell me that if you are in your mid 40's, you never tried to dance like Rerun],Benson, and Different Strokes [What chu talkin' bout WILLIS!]  As I got older, what family didn't watch the ENTIRE week of Roots? Remember the A-Team? I was torn between Mr. T's character of B.A. and Howlin' Mad Murdoch. [Which I now know is]One to celebrate my BLACKNESS, and the other to recognize my current state of mental health. Later, I watched Family Matters. Steve Urkel, saying "Did I doo thaat" is classic. [Be honest, at least ONCE in your life, you have "hiked your pants/underwear up" and asked that question to bewildered friends or significant other.] I identified most with Isaac, the Bartender, on the Love Boat. [I don't know if that was more because of my BLACKNESS, or my future affinity towards Bartenders. It could also be a foreshadowing of my future alcohol dependence. But that is another story...] Then came In Living Color ["Homey don't PLAY DAT!", "'toin... Don't be MAAD..."], The Cosby Show, and Martin[Sha Nae Nae].

I know I wasn't the ONLY one to see a "Spike Lee Joint". Do the Right Thing, Jungle Fever, ring a bell? Colors, Boyz in the Hood. [Damn! I never realized how gansta I was back then.]I was in to all of that. My record collection from my teenage years: Rick James, Cameo, Gap Band, Lakeside, Sugarhill Gang, Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five, Kool and the Gang and The New Edition.[Ronnie, Bobbie, Ricky, and Mike....] In junior high, to be cool, we added "-ski or -D" to the end of our names. Hence forth I was known as Rob-Ski, and me and my "posse" were about the most fly, fresh, def, dope, and phat, mutha fuckas in Sanford, NC. [Brick Capital of the World]

I used to make t-shirts in JR. and SR. High to make extra money. Through a weird set of circumstances [having to do nothing with my "mad" gansta street cred.] I got connected with Sammie D. He was a D.J. and owner of a club called "Diamond D's". He wanted some T-shirts designed for his club, and I presented some ideas to him. Long story short, he liked them, and we started a business arrangement. After about my second delivery of shirts to him, he said, "Hey R.J. [I was keeping my "gangsta-ness" on the D.L.] why don't you come down to the club on Thurs., it's teen night." "Sure Sammy. I'll see you then..." . Not really thinking about it, I went. I did not realize when I walked into the club, that other than teeth and eyeballs, I was the only "white thing" in the club.

At first I was trepidatious  [Scared as Hell]. I just knew some guy was going to start some static about me being "whitey" in their club.  Then I'd have to get all "gangsta", whip out my "gat", and "pop a cap" in someone's ass. [Get my ass kicked, and my Mom may, or may not be able to identify the body] But it was cool. The guys were cool, and the girls[when they found out I could dance] had my "Dance Card" full until it was time for the "After Party" [Had to leave to meet curfew...] I should have embraced my BLACKNESS even then, but I didn't. An obsession with the Arsenio Hall Show [Roo Roo Roo...] still didn't clue me in. "Whoop, there it is...", "This is how we do it...", and "Are you down with O.P.P..." didn't clue me in either.  [though the O.P.P was what helped end my first marriage(Whole other Post...)]

All of that from my past, and it wasn't until I watched "Black to the Future" [70's, 80's AND 90's] that I realized that I AM A BLACK MAN [without the basketball skills or penis]. And all this time, I thought I was a VODKA swillin', apartment dwellin', Copenhagen dippin', country music listenin', truck driver, from Eastern NC. Who knew...

Me, after a long day of "rollin'" beer. A couple of vodka drinks, some dinner, Copenhagen [Note: the "fat bottom lip"] and he's outta heeere... [Can't decide if that's more Pimpin' or Gangsta]

Blog 2.0. Thank you Aunt Becky and Jerry Maguire

I awoke this morning at 2 a.m. with a dilemma. I hadn't written anything in my blog for quite some time due to a crisis of conscience. I didn't know what my "voice" was, or what to write about. Be funny? Be serious? Cussing? No cussing? Friends and family who have read previous posts had comments ranging from "I didn't know you were so political...", to "It was funny but not you". [Not that I'm not funny, they just knew I took a bit of "poetic license" with certain aspects.] I have been stressing about how to write my blog and from what viewpoint for about 2 weeks now. Luckily for me, I found Aunt Becky about two weeks ago. I can't really remember what led me to her, but I do know as I was surfing around I saw a Blog that was titled "Mommywantsvodka". Being a big fan, [of Vodka that is] I decided to "click the link". I was immediately drawn to her wit, and "rawness". To put it succinctly, "the Bitch ROCKED!!!" Being new to blogging, I thought , "Now that is someone to emulate". Maybe I could be... Dare I say... an "Uncle Becky"??? Then I re-thought the first thought, and thought, "I'm not that talented", and besides, the first thought was kinda "FUCKED UP"! [Besides, to be as prolific as she is, one would need minions to do her bidding, and I have no minions] Regardless, I am now , stalking following her on Twitter, Facebook, and her Blog. So, I woke up at 2 a.m. this morning being all "whaa whaa", I SUCK!!! "No more blogging for me..." "I have no Fucking VOICE or POINT OF VIEW"!!! "whaa whaa..." Then, THE Epiphany Hit. [CUE Hallelujah Chorus]"I DON'T WRITE FOR OTHERS. I WRITE TO GET SHIT OUT OF MY HEAD"!!! It makes me feel better. Aunt Becky has shown me this! So I lay there thinking about this for about 30 minutes before I decided to get up and do something about it.

The mizzrus rolled over and said, "Baby, It's 2:30. You gettin' up?" [She's Southern, by the way...] To which I replied, "I know baby, I've been up since 2:00, and can't sleep. I'm going to get up. By the way, I've got my new blog post. I think I'm gonna call it 'Aunt Becky Ate My Balls'." [Fortunately, the lights were off so I could not see her face, but what I did get was a big sigh, a roll over and what I imagine to be her asking..."And why again did I consent to marry this 'nut job'???"] Being on a mission, I rushed downstairs to my "office", my Sanctum Sanctorum [A.K.A. the guest bathroom], fired up the laptop, grabbed one of the many  legal pads and started furiously writing. It was then, I got all "Jerry Maguire" and started the "MANIFESTO"!!!! 

I WRITE BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER

I DONT'T CARE IF I HAVE FOLLOWERS

I DON'T CARE HOW MANY HITS I GET

IT'S O.K. TO USE PROFANITY

SOME WILL LOVE IT. SOME WILL HATE IT. GET OVER IT.

I WILL DO NO OTHER PROMOTION OTHER THAN WHATEVER NETWORKED BLOGS DOES.

I took a break, and consulted the ORACLE. This what I found: LINK. It offered a lot of good advice.  I now felt as if a tremendous weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I went to work. Ideas flowed. A new sense of purpose was growing. The day went quicker. The work seemed easier. It was Shaping up to be a good day "Tater".

Later in the day, I checked Twitter. Aunt Becky had a new post almost 6 hours after my Manifesto. "Six Ways To A Better Blog". Oh my God. Somehow this "Angel" [Patron Saint???] of Blogs has somehow read my mind. She knows my trepidation, my angst, she can read my mind. [Damn, tinfoil hat time...]  The BITCH can see right through me, yet, I am oddly comforted by this thought. So, to end. Thank You Aunt Becky for showing this Grasshopper that there is a Pebble to grab. Regardless of your influence, or my Manifesto, future Blog Posts, may still SUCK ASS, but I'm still going to Blog HARD!!! P.S. Since I referenced Jerry Maguire: YOU HAD ME AT "Juice Boxes Are For Pussies"rj3

The lack of common courtesy and a preponderance of idiots

Whatever happened to common courtesy? It seems to me that it is something that can only be found in a dictionary. I'm at the convenience store the other day, walking to my car when a lady with her teenage daughter drove up and blocked me from backing out of my parking space so she could drop off her video to the RedBox. She had to have seen me walking to my car and I know she had to hear me beep the horn when she was walking to return her video. She just looked at me and kept on going. I believe that a man should never hit a woman, but my belief was tested right then. It's a good thing I don't own a gun because I don't have any strongly held beliefs about shooting one.

This is but one example of the daily rudeness that we all see. I sometimes wish I could just smack them upside the head and ask them "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING????" The only thing that holds me back is the fear that said idiot is "packing heat" or would probably sue me. So instead, I release my frustrations with cheap vodka and writing about it. Unfortunately, we have overcome Darwinisim, and now instead of survival of the fittest, there is survival of the dumbest. What the HELL happened? Nobody sent me the memo.

O.K., I know that we live in complicated times, and it is easy to get distracted, but c'mon. Of all the stupid things we see daily, only a few are caused distracted normal people. The rest, the biggest portion, are caused by IDIOTS whose mental faculties only allow them to focus on the task at hand. This leads me to the conclusion that it is not a lack of common courtesy, it is a preponderance of IDIOTS who are unable to be aware of anything other than their selves. So, what are we normal people to do? Do we run the risk of being sued or shot to point out their stupidity? Secretly hope that some other person will shoot them someday? In reality, I think we will all live a little bit longer if we just recite the mantra "Forgive them Lord, for they know not what they do". It's not quite as satisfying as whacking them upside the head, but in the words of Shrek, "That'll do Donkey, That'll do..."

Am I getting old?

What's up with that random hair?

Growing older is a double edged sword. On one hand, you get "more comfortable in your skin". On the other, is all of the weird things that happen to your body. Things droop and get fleshy. [Is that a word?] Hair gets  grey or gone. Speaking of hair, I've had a revelation. "One does not lose hair, it merely gets transferred"[Mostly men]. What comes off of your head is not lost. It gets moved to your nose, ears, back, and butt. And let us not forget those random hairs that sprout up in the strangest places. It's almost as if our bodies have a genetic "Where in the World is Waldo??? game going on... 

There's a traitor amongst us...

[Background music. Mick Jagger singing "What a DRAG it is getting old"] That Traitor friends, is the body. Your body. My body. Every body. My mind says I can still do it, but my body "begs to differ".  Who knew that lifting a three pound bag of groceries out of the minivan could cause back spasms that last a week? Wasn't it just last month, that I was lifting "pony kegs " out of cars and toting them to various party venues at E.C.U.? Speaking of Alcohol. I've read that "Pot" is a lot stronger now, than it used to be, but when did they start making Alcohol stronger? I know they have. You can't convince me otherwise. My proof?[No pun intended] If they haven't made alcohol stronger, how is it that I can drink half as much as I used to, but feel twice as bad? Yeah, ponder that a minute.

Many examples of our bodies traitorous tendencies become evident upon visiting our Doctor. I'm not saying that there is any collusion between my body and my Doctor, but, I find it mighty coincidental that every visit nets a new prescription. I can't even eat breakfast anymore because I'm so full of pills. It starts out innocently enough. At first, the doctor "recommends" a multi vitamin, and while you're at it maybe one aspirin for good measure. Next visit, the "Doc" suggests that the ole' blood pressure is too high. Another pill.

Those first three pills are like the clickitty clack of the Roller Coaster as it climbs that first big hill of the ride.  Next thing you know, high Cholesterol. Boom. Another pill. Triglycerides out of whack. Pill. Restless Leg Syndrome. Pill.  Acid Reflux. Pill. Anxiety about all this. Pill. Nausea from all the pills. Pill. Not being able to "perform" for the once a month sex allotment. Blue Pill.

Oh, I forgot to mention the pills for the back spasms. So, is it just me? Or, does anyone else see a pattern here? I know I sometimes see things a little "differently", [Don't even get me started on the Hallmark Card Company and Lawyers...] but, something is going on.

The End 

I could go on for days, but It would probably be better to stop before I forget where I parked my "Rascal Scooter".

No, Nick Kristof, Islam is not the problem

            I just finished Nicholas Kristof's latest Op-ed entitled "Is Islam the Problem?" and agree with basically every point. Islam is not the problem, it is a Religion. In any Religion there are those who will co-opt, bend, bastardize, or corrupt, that Religion to meet their own goals. The only idea that I disagree with, is how the Arab world needs to look back, point fingers, to be able to move forward. The fact of the matter is, these people have had enough, and they are willing to lay down their lives to make a change. Right now, it doesn't matter what events led them to this point. What they need is whatever support the World Community can give, to aid them in their struggle for Freedom and Democracy.

            Since the Jasmine Revolution, I have been following the events in the Middle East with fascination and awe. Surely, I'm not the only person to see the parallels between what's going on there and the birth of our nation. Lands with natural resources, colonized by European nations, Unfair leaders, and the people's desire to be free, and make their own decisions. The only real difference is that they are the native people. [What we did to the native people when we colonized here is a whole other story, and yet another example of our Hypocrisy.]

            My only fear for the Middle East is this: Patience. The people have lost their fear, are emboldened by their successes, and ready for change RIGHT NOW! That "Right Now" , is what scares me the most. Cooler heads need to prevail, and let the people know that they have WON. BUT!, [There's always a "BUT!"] It's like winning the Lottery. The only problem with this Lottery is that there is no lump sum payment. You have to take your winnings over 26 annual installments. Therein lies the "rub", and my fear. Will the people be happy that they've won but with "delayed gratification?" or will they implode because they couldn't have it all now???

            All of that being said, the last point/idea I would like to put forth is this: The Middle East NEEDS Democracy. The reason I say this is for their own self preservation. [Not cheap gas for me] One day the oil is going to run out. What is the plan B for these countries? What do they have to fall back on when "gravy/oil train" runs out? Under a Democracy, businesses will sprout up, industries will form, and there will be something to fall back on when there is no more oil. To those who may scoff, and point out that there are few natural resources. I would point them to Japan.

On Being a Parent

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body". - Elizabeth Stone-

This blog post is about being a parent. In the iconic movie; The Breakfast Club, there is a classic quote: "You have to get a license for everything but having a kid". They prepare you for all things related to the birth.  We buy "What to Expect When You're Expecting". We follow all the "Rules", go to Lamaze, take all  of the courses. Then we are presented with a new life, a little human, that we are responsible for. Don't get me wrong, The birth of a child is probably the most amazing thing ever. (I personally cried like a baby when my firstborn was put in my arms.)By the way, I don't cry easily.

We do all of these things, and more for our children. It seems that we  get all of this information on everything we need to do before the birth, but, afterwards we are left on our own. No manuals, no "What to Expect"  when they are teens and know so much more than you. When they are little you find yourself saying things to your children that you didn't think you would say to another human. "Son, don't lick the T.V." I mean REALLY????? They are a source of endless pride and frustration.  I'm reminded of a t-shirt or bumper sticker  that said "Anyone with teenagers understands why some Species eat their young".  Yes, they can be that exasperating, but they can also bring the biggest joy from some random statement or action.

Having children is like rolling the dice. Sometimes we get snake eyes. Other times, we get seven. I'm pretty sure Jeffery Dahmers parents didn't look at baby Jeff and say "Gee dear, I hope this little guy grows up to be a serial killing cannibal". Can you imagine? Mr. and Mrs. Gates probably weren't thinking that lil' Bill would become a Billionaire. [Especially when he dropped out of Harvard to write computer code, "What's a computer?"] Regardless of the outcome, the best we can do as Parents is Love them, and try to instill a value system that will help them make the right decisions throughout their lifetimes. It's like [in another life] when I was training new Managers. I always told them that I could not teach them what to do in every situation. The best I could do is make sure that their "head was screwed on right" so they would have the resources to achieve the best possible outcome.

Of course they reach an age when they think they know EVERYTHING, and we parents are "dithering old fools" [Even if we are in our 40's]. Though this stage is painful, "let us not cast stones ", for we did the same thing at that age.  So, Parents, go forth and hope for the SEVEN or ELEVENS.

Egypt. Revolution 2.0

History was made today with the successful Revolution of the Egyptian people. Thirty years of the Mubarak Regime has ended.  Israel and the rest of the world are now trepidatious as to what is going to be the outcome of Egypt's new government.  Will Egypt become the Democracy that they say they want? Or, will some radical Islamist group co opt the movement to take control? Will the Military really act as a stabilizing force while Egypt creates their new Democracy? Or will they end up with Mubarak 2.0?

I choose to believe that the Egyptians will achieve their Democracy. They are too educated, too smart, too proud, and too patriotic to fail. They have an arduous road ahead of them . There will be many trials and tribulations, but make no mistake, there is no going back. They have tasted freedom and realized their own self worth. Now that the Genie is out of the bottle, there is no putting it back.

All of this poses a dilemma for the U.S. and the rest of the world. Especially for the U.S. because we were founded as a Democracy. We believe in Democracy. We want the rest of the World to be Democratic. But, the U.S. has been supporting a regime that has not been Democratic for thirty plus years. The Egyptian people know this. It is a glaring example of the hypocrisy  of our government and even the American public.  We play lip service to peace in the world, as long as it doesn't interfere with the price of oil or cause us any economic hardship. The ironic thing is that is America is made up from all of the immigrants from all of the countries that we war with, don't care about, don't support, give aid to, defend, hate, love, et al... Our system of Government is not without its' flaws, but, I haven't seen, or heard of a better one. The compelling thing about Democracy is its innate nature is to be a form of governance that provides the populace with a voice, hope, and Liberty. [Or at least the illusion of...]

It is my hope for the best for the Egyptian people. They have accomplished an amazing thing. Americans with a knowledge of their[our] own history can see the parallels. It is my hope that regardless of any rhetoric, the Egyptians will view America as their ally. Though this may take time, I believe America will continue to be an ally with [a newly Democratic] Egypt. After all, one of Americas' best allies is England.

Though it started most recently in Tunisia, YOUR example will be the one that the Middle East and other non democratic countries around the world will use. It seems as if Algeria will be the next to follow your example, maybe Syria will beat them. Interesting things happening in Iran, Libya, and I'm not ruling out Saudi Arabia. [This one is more of a long shot though]  

So Egypt, go forth, and shape your Destiny. I believe in you, and I know you have what it takes to achieve your dreams. After all, if we could get everyone to believe that we all want the same things. The world would be a better place.

[Wael Gohnim, those of us non Arabic speakers who follow you, would love to see your FB and Twitter posts in English also. I know you prefer to remain "behind the scenes" and don't want to be the "voice" , but your insight and intelligence really provide a fuller perspective to the events unfolding ]

Soapbox. My "Short Bus" has reached its' destination???

[Cut and Pasted]From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

"A soapbox is a raised platform on which one stands to make an impromptu speech, often about a political subject. The term originates from the days when speakers would elevate themselves by standing on a wooden crate originally used for shipment of soap or other dry goods from a manufacturer to a retail store.

The term is also used metaphorically to describe a person engaging in often flamboyant impromptu or unofficial public speaking, as in the phrases "He's on his soapbox", or "Get off your soapbox." Hyde Park, London is known for its Sunday soapbox orators, who have assembled at Speakers' Corner since 1872 to discuss religion, politics and other topics. A modern form of the soapbox is a blog: a website on which a user publishes one's thoughts to whomever reads the page."

So, WELCOME TO MY SOAPBOX!!! Lately, it has occurred to me that my awareness of the world has been changing as I reach middle age. (At least I HOPE it's my middle) The "World" of my youth, the one I just KNEW, was mine for the taking, has slowly decayed to the "World" of my hopefully middle age. [Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that it is a bad thing, and this is not some manifesto to the world before I jump off a tall building.] My "World" now, has proven to be much more complicated now that I have come to grips with the fact that I really don't know EVERYTHING! My "World" now is so much deeper. Even deeper than when I realized my Parents really were right. [Insert Homer Simpson, DOH!!, here] So deep, that when I see the fresh faced youth of today, I can only think of it like a scene from some war movie. You know the scene: Grizzled veterans of too many battles watching as the new recruits go marching into the war. The vets shake their heads knowing that some will be "cannon fodder" in the war of life.

I can honestly say that at this point in my life I am at peace with my place in the "World". But, as I've gotten older (wiser??) it seems that the "World" is getting scarier. Which leads me to question: "Is it getting scarier? Or am I just now realizing that it has always been scary, and my "Short Bus" has reached its' destination?" Regardless, I will continue on my journey, sending dispatches from my soapbox, along the way.

Egypt. Hypocrisy. And I'm Really not that angry

On Jan. 25th I wrote my FIRST blog post. In it, I referenced the Jasmine Revolution in Tunisia, and mentioned that unrest seemed to be fomenting in Egypt. Well, "All Hell has broke out" in Egypt. I watch in fascination as events unfold there, and also, most all of the other countries I mentioned.

I like puzzles. I like to figure out how things work. I even like to figure out why things are the way they are. All of the events happening in the Middle East right now have got my mind working in overdrive. It almost feels like playing chess with six different players, simultaneously. But, (there's always a "BUT") instead of thinking that you are playing six individual games at once, what you're really doing is playing all six as one, with an almost unlimited number of outcomes based on the action/reaction of any, or all. It's almost impossible to explain all of the if's, then's...

What this situation in the Middle East really does, is expose our hypocrisy as a nation. We tell the world that Democracy is the way, (It IS) but we support rulers/autocrats that make our lives easier and help keep the price of oil low, regardless of the liberties that they deprive their people of. Here's a heretical thought, LET THE PEOPLE DECIDE! THEN LET'S SUPPORT THEM!! Many/most of the demonstrators in Egypt are well educated and aware of the world around them. They have access to the internet, social media, and mass media not controlled by their governments. They are aware. Yet, we are scared that some radical Islamist group will take control and we'll have to pay more at the pump. I believe the people of Egypt will get their freedom. I also think they will be a friend to America, or at least I hope so. Either way, it is THEIR choice, and if we truly believe in Democracy, we will support their choice.

So, America. Do we promote democracy, and lend a hand to those who strive to it? Or, do we only support other peoples goals as long as it doesn't interfere with the price of gas, or put Israel in jeopardy? Let's be honest, we Americans would not give a "crap" about Egypt, or the Middle East, were it not for oil. They would probably give a "crap" about us, if we weren't involved with Israel and trying to keep things "just so". (Hell, the majority of Americans couldn't even point Egypt out on a blank map of Africa. ["And we wonder why much of the world hates us."])Some people might. But, they are the same people trying to make the world understand the atrocities going on elsewhere in the world, like Darfour. (Don't get me started...) 

Bottom line... No matter what. I believe that, we humans; no matter of race, creed, or religion, all want the same basic things. Life. Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. But unfortunately, right now, (I think[We Americans]) care more for our pets, than we do for our fellow Americans/Man. Most Americans, upon stumbling upon a homeless person with an emaciated dog, would show more compassion and empathy for the dog, than they would for their fellow man. But that is a whole other post...  Good luck Egypt...

(P.S. "Can somebody help me down from my Soap Box now???)

Fallaces sunt rerum species

The title of this post translates from Latin to: "The appearances of things are deceptive". Or as I usually say, "Don't judge a book by its cover". I say this more than you may guess due to the fact that I had that Latin quote tatooed on my left arm 7 or 8 years ago. This morning I found yet another example of how true that sentiment is...
Whilst doing my normal mornining routine of checking out facebook, email, etc... I came across a link that led to another, then to another, and before you know it I was "hangin' ten" on a gnarly monster wave that crashed me on to the shell covered, sandy beach that is Susan Boyle. Yes, Gental Reader, I said, SUSAN BOYLE. Now before you send the tailors who make the white suits that have the sleeves that go all the way to the back. Hear me out. Better yet, click here, then get back to me .
In the words of my 14 y.o. daughter, "I KNOW!!!, RIGHT???". Maybe it is just me. I had heard of Susan Boyle. I kinda knew the basics: British Idol, not very pretty, really good singer, blah, blah, blah... It wasn't until I saw that video, that all the blah, blah, blah, made sense. Many of you are probably wondering what Pygmy village I have been hiding in the past couple of years, but I'm guessing that many others of you were as clueless as me.
The entire audience, even the judges, were bracing themselves for the "train wreck". I knew she was supposed to be good, but honestly, when I first saw her, I thought : "Great, another William Hung...". This from the guy who has "The appearances of things are deceptive" tattoo. (Just another example of my boundless hypocrisy) Yet, within 30 seconds, she has won over all of them. I thought it was AMAZING, and to any of you who were as cluless as I, I hope you were amazed too.
Fallaces sunt rerum species. Thank you Susan Boyle for reminding me again why I tattooed that on my arm so many years ago

"MY HYPROCRICY KNOWS NO BOUNDS"

One of the great lines from my favorite Western is the title of this post. In the movie Tombstone, Doc Holliday says to Wyatt Earp, "My hyprocricy knows no bounds..." (That was almost as good as "My Dear, You are not wearing your bustle. How LEWD..." but that is entirely another post ; ) ). Having just started this "blogging thang", I am unclear as to how this all happens. What to do. How to do it, and a multiple of other questions too numerous to list here. [Blogger note: I know my punctuation isn't exactly standard. Either deal with it, or consider me the lovechild of ee cummings..]
All I can say is that I have always liked to read and write. I've never kept a journal, but I've always got some narrative going on in my head. Now, I have a forum to release upon the world, what George Carlin might refer to as "Mind Droppings". Will the world even know about this little blog? I doubt it. Do I really care? Not really. I view it as a cathartic journey through life by putting my thoughts "out" there. I don't know whether to feel really "big" knowing that these words/thoughts can be viewed by anyone in the world. Or, really small... (What if I write something that offends someone? Wouldn't that be ironic that a beer truck driver in NC suddenly finds himself the object of a worldwide fatwa a la Soloman Rushdie???) Anyhoo... You are welcome to join my journey if you like. I welcome comments (Let's keep 'em civil folks...) and what will be will be.... But, as usual I digress....
My best friend Tim, (not his real name) was the first to give me feedback on my first two posts. Having known me for 30 years or so, I knew he would be brutally honest. Boy, was he. He didn't wait a whole day before exposing me as the "sham" that I am. After reading my first two posts, he sent me an e-mail telling me I sounded like "Beck". I am assuming he meant Glenn Beck, and not musicians Jeff Beck, or just plain Beck(best known for his song LOSER). The irony of all this is the fact that if you take just my first two posts, you'll think I am some kind of superconservitive political person. I'm not. Future posts could just as easily find me "geeking out" on how hackers are doing really cool things with the XBox Kinect(I'm not a gamer either) I'm just a regular guy driving a beer truck and listening to way too much NPR...

The State of the Union Address

Having watched the SOTU last evening, I was inspired by our Presidents words. You have to admit he is an effective speaker. MY first impulse was to put my hand on my wallet as he spoke. Grand plans, lofty goals, and an energy independant nation to boot. I am curious as how he can accomplish these things without us releasing the white knuckles gripping our wallets. We've heard it before, "READ MY LIPS, NO NEW TAXES." All I can say is that I would like to believe that the man can do as he says he can, with no new taxes. But I fear that that will not be the case. In reality, it will take a partnership between the American Public and Government to get things back on track. This will involve austerity measures by the Government, probably more or new taxes imposed on us, and a general sacrifice across the board. I would be willing to do this if I thought that the Government would also do their part. I hope that they can, and will do the things necessary to get things back on track so future generations don't have to bear the burden of our leaders lack of foresight. Ultimately it is our fault though. WE elected these people. WE saw what they were doing. WE sat back and let things become as they are. While WE were shopping at Walmart (because they really do have low prices), wondering why our light bill was so high, and bitching about gas being over $3.00 a gallon. WE LET THESE THINGS HAPPEN!!! WE live in a Democracy folks. WE are starting to get a clue to how much say WE really have, and WE need to hold our leaders feet to the fire until WE are satisfied. Look at the Tea party, Republicans made a promise, and WE elected them based on those promises and WE need to hold them to their promises. It's not really a Republican or Democrat issue, It's a WE issue. What are WE going to do. I once heard that there are three types of people. Those that make things happen. Those that watch things happen, and those who wonder "What's happening".But make no mistake, WE will have to sacrifice also. WE can no longer have our cake and eat it too. I just hope that WE have the intestinal fortitude to make the sacrifices those that came before us did and I hope our leaders take their heads out of the trough long enough to act as their predessors did. If not, WE will be handing our future generations a heaping helping of our failure to act. Ladies and Gentleman, ELVIS has left the building...