Some Randomness...

[This post was written by a Highly Motivated inebriated  me, a couple of weeks ago...]
    Is it just me, or does it seem that Mother Nature has been pretty ANGRY lately? In my 44 years, I know that I have not always paid the greatest attention, BUT, Mother Nature seems to be really PMS-ing of late. Mississippi flooding, Tornados everywhere. Funky Thunderstorms... Earthquakes, Tsunami's(???) and the icing on the cake is that NOAA has just predicted an especially vigorous HURRICANE season. Now, as I recollect, it seems we experience some major "WEATHER INCIDENT" every year on this planet. But, what I don't recall is it seeming to happen everywhere at almost the same time. Maybe those "DAMBASSES" got the whole Armeggedon/Rapture thing just a bit early. I still see the same people. I know that in my small circle of friends, I was not expecting any of THEM or ME to be rising to Heaven this past Saturday... But... What about the cashier at the Mini-Mart where I get gas and the occsasional "Scratch off"??? Or the mailman? Or the "mean ass bitch" at the DMV??? SURELY, SOMEBODY I come into contact with must have been "lifted" into HEAVEN. But, alas, NO. [I guess somebody needs to get a new calender... I'd be willing to bet that some BRAINIAC has developed an APP that we can download that will give us a countdown to "THE END"

Have I ever mentioned that most of the Worlds' Evils can be traced DIRECTLY back to a consortium of "Big Pharma, Lawyers, and the Hallmart Card Company"??? And don't get me started about the MASSIVE SOLAR FLARE [C.M.E to all you Nerds] that will come and knock out ALL electricity and "Kick" us back to the Stone Age, or at least 1920 something... [That part is real. Google "Solar Weather", "Solar Katrina", or C.M.E.. If you read what I did, you'll be a little worried too.]

[A continuation of an alcohol fueled rant...]

Why don't people use their f'ing turn signals? Ever notice that other than the normal dumbasses, the people who don't use turn signals are talking on their cell phones???

I like Gallegar's idea. Every driver has a gun with rubber sticky bullets with little flags that say "Idiot". You shoot the little flag at the offending idiot driver. The police automatically stops and tickets any car with 3 or more flags. [3 citations = DEATH PENALTY]

Why do feminist bitches get so angry when a male holds a door for them?

Why can't politicians just do what is "RIGHT" as opposed to currying favor or going with the party line?

Things NOT to say:
To the person x-ray scanning bags at the Smithsonian: "Sir, do you have a knife in your bag?" "You've got the freaking x-ray. You tell me...."[It was a little Swiss Army Knife that fits on a key chain]

To your woman: "Yes. Your BUTT looks big in those pants."

To the Traffic Cop: "Yes, I know how fast I was going. Seeing that you have radar, and you stopped me, you must know too. Is this a test? You're not going to look in the trunk are you???"

To the Highway Patrol Occifer who asks you to recite the ABC's backwards: "Dude, I can't even do that sober"

And lastly,[for now]
Why do people tell you: "You can't do that..." when you just, DID DO THAT???

My LAST Blog post???

     It seems that I'm not doing it right. Blogging, that is. I started my Blog because I felt I had something to say. Not that anybody would give a damn about what I have to say, it just feels good to get it out of my head. Put it out in the ether where, maybe, some like minded individual would find it, and agree. Perhaps, that person would disagree. Either way, it's out there. The ultimate, would be to engage either person in debate.

     Being the "nerd" that I am, I Googled "Blogging" and found a slew of sites that tell you how to: "increase traffic through social media", "100 new ideas to improve your blog", "10 reasons why your blog will fail in a year", "how to make money with your blog", "50 ways to increase the number of comments on your blog" ad infinitum... After reading all of these things that I was not doing right with my blog, I considered quitting. To be quite honest, blogging can be a pain in the ass. Especially if you follow the "rules". I like to write and share my thoughts. I have a theory that most writers are "closet exhibitionists". Kind of shy attention getters. But, to write, takes time. Like most everybody else I know, it's hard to juggle work, family, friends, bills, and general life, and still make time to write. That's why I am so infrequent with my posts, which is a big FAIL according to the experts. Right now, I feel about blogging the way I do about drinking. "I'm NOT going to drink anymore...., but I'm not going to drink any less either....". Being the "hard headed, closet exhibitionist, donkey" that I am, I'm not going to stop.

     One of the reasons I'm not going to quit is Germany. Germany you ask? Yes, Germany. According to the stat thingy that shows which country a reader is from, Germany is number 2 after the U.S. with the most hits. The U.S. as number 1 makes sense. I live here, and I've dropped not-so-subtle hints to friends and family about my blog. Due to Networked Blogs, whenever I do do [that's funny] a new post, there is an automatic announcement to Twitter and Facebook. As I have no followers on Twitter, and no Facebook friends from Germany, I am perplexed. I guess if Jerry Lewis can be unexplainably "BIG" in France, Me and "The HOFF" can be "BIG" in Germany. ["Wie ghet's" and "Danke" Germany?]

     Another reason is the movie "Julie and Julia". [A very good movie, by the way] That movie combined my love of cooking and writing. The Mizzrus, suggested doing a food blog. [With this, and most all things, she'll probably ultimately be right.] I said I didn't want to be pigeon holed to one thing. I wanted to write about whatever I am feeling at the time. [Another BIG FAIL for a successful blog]

She: "Isn't one of the goals of a blog to get as many followers as possible?"

Me: "Yeah, I guess so..."

She: "So are you going to quit if you don't get a bunch of followers?"

Me: "Probably not. I guess to paraphrase Thoreau, 'I march to the beat of a different drummer...'"

     So in closing, if anybody has got this far reading my blog, you have been seeing and learning how "not" to have a successful blog. I like to think that my writing to the reader is kind of like mining for diamonds. You have to trudge through a lot dirt and stone to get to the gems. Hopefully whatever gems you find are worth the effort.