Nobody told me I was BLACK

O.K., my skin is white, and past lovers won't exactly remember me for my giant schlong [It may be short... But, it's skinny too...] but after watching VH1's "Black to the Future", I am BLACK and didn't realize it till today. Of course, I kinda suspected it for a while now, but now I'm SURE I AM A BLACK MAN. O.K., I suck at Basketball and am not really comfortable with the "N" word, but I don't think that makes me any less BLACK. It wasn't until watching "Black to the Future" 70's, 80's and 90's that I have finally understood who I am. In my defense, I am a product of my upbringing.

One of my earliest memories of going to a live event was seeing the Harlem Globetrotters. I couldn't have been more than 8 or 9, [which makes it '74 or'75] and being amazed. "Wow!!!, I saw these dudes on Scooby Doo". My Mother might have had some of the BLACK in her, [Which is ironic because from what I have heard in family lore, Pop Pop Sipple (Her Dad) could have had a white hood somewhere in his closet.]because the Albums I was weened on by her were the likes of: anything Motown, Stevie Wonder, Isaac Hayes, Earth Wind and Fire, Sister Sledge, and Donna Summer. It was also the age of Disco. So, I also got big doses of the Saturday Night Fever Album, K.C. and the Sunshine Band [who's kinda BLACK] and others. Back then we had three channels if you don't count PBS. [Which I didn't back then] What were the shows that I grew up watching?: Fat Albert [Hey, Hey, Hey], Good Times [DY-NO-MITE!!!], The Jeffersons [Weezy...], The White Shadow ['nuff said], What's Happening [Ooh Rog, you gonna GET IT!] [Don't tell me that if you are in your mid 40's, you never tried to dance like Rerun],Benson, and Different Strokes [What chu talkin' bout WILLIS!]  As I got older, what family didn't watch the ENTIRE week of Roots? Remember the A-Team? I was torn between Mr. T's character of B.A. and Howlin' Mad Murdoch. [Which I now know is]One to celebrate my BLACKNESS, and the other to recognize my current state of mental health. Later, I watched Family Matters. Steve Urkel, saying "Did I doo thaat" is classic. [Be honest, at least ONCE in your life, you have "hiked your pants/underwear up" and asked that question to bewildered friends or significant other.] I identified most with Isaac, the Bartender, on the Love Boat. [I don't know if that was more because of my BLACKNESS, or my future affinity towards Bartenders. It could also be a foreshadowing of my future alcohol dependence. But that is another story...] Then came In Living Color ["Homey don't PLAY DAT!", "'toin... Don't be MAAD..."], The Cosby Show, and Martin[Sha Nae Nae].

I know I wasn't the ONLY one to see a "Spike Lee Joint". Do the Right Thing, Jungle Fever, ring a bell? Colors, Boyz in the Hood. [Damn! I never realized how gansta I was back then.]I was in to all of that. My record collection from my teenage years: Rick James, Cameo, Gap Band, Lakeside, Sugarhill Gang, Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five, Kool and the Gang and The New Edition.[Ronnie, Bobbie, Ricky, and Mike....] In junior high, to be cool, we added "-ski or -D" to the end of our names. Hence forth I was known as Rob-Ski, and me and my "posse" were about the most fly, fresh, def, dope, and phat, mutha fuckas in Sanford, NC. [Brick Capital of the World]

I used to make t-shirts in JR. and SR. High to make extra money. Through a weird set of circumstances [having to do nothing with my "mad" gansta street cred.] I got connected with Sammie D. He was a D.J. and owner of a club called "Diamond D's". He wanted some T-shirts designed for his club, and I presented some ideas to him. Long story short, he liked them, and we started a business arrangement. After about my second delivery of shirts to him, he said, "Hey R.J. [I was keeping my "gangsta-ness" on the D.L.] why don't you come down to the club on Thurs., it's teen night." "Sure Sammy. I'll see you then..." . Not really thinking about it, I went. I did not realize when I walked into the club, that other than teeth and eyeballs, I was the only "white thing" in the club.

At first I was trepidatious  [Scared as Hell]. I just knew some guy was going to start some static about me being "whitey" in their club.  Then I'd have to get all "gangsta", whip out my "gat", and "pop a cap" in someone's ass. [Get my ass kicked, and my Mom may, or may not be able to identify the body] But it was cool. The guys were cool, and the girls[when they found out I could dance] had my "Dance Card" full until it was time for the "After Party" [Had to leave to meet curfew...] I should have embraced my BLACKNESS even then, but I didn't. An obsession with the Arsenio Hall Show [Roo Roo Roo...] still didn't clue me in. "Whoop, there it is...", "This is how we do it...", and "Are you down with O.P.P..." didn't clue me in either.  [though the O.P.P was what helped end my first marriage(Whole other Post...)]

All of that from my past, and it wasn't until I watched "Black to the Future" [70's, 80's AND 90's] that I realized that I AM A BLACK MAN [without the basketball skills or penis]. And all this time, I thought I was a VODKA swillin', apartment dwellin', Copenhagen dippin', country music listenin', truck driver, from Eastern NC. Who knew...

Me, after a long day of "rollin'" beer. A couple of vodka drinks, some dinner, Copenhagen [Note: the "fat bottom lip"] and he's outta heeere... [Can't decide if that's more Pimpin' or Gangsta]